day by day

The day started in a rather promising way. The much-longed-for snow day became a reality and my older kids bounded out of bed with more energy than would be displayed on a school day. The three-year-old fed off their energy, bouncing around to the usual "tune" that seems to play in his head and lend joy to his heart. By 8:15, all three kids were out in the snow, playing with the neighbors. I could hear the shouts and laughter from inside my warm, comfortable house, and smiled as I considered our plans for the day.

At 9:00 the kids arrived inside, warmed up with hot chocolate, and scampered over to the neighbor's house for more play. Josiah and I remained behind, and delved into our preschool activities for the morning. He was exuberant, playful, and cooperative. We embarked on a treasure hunt around the house to find the items mentioned in Goodnight Moon. He loved it, and was almost giddy with pleasure.

Then came trouble. Our treasure hunt was done, but Josiah wanted it to continue. For the next hour, we battled. He didn't like the music we listened to, didn't want to go potty, and refused to find a toy to play with. Our lunch exchange went something like this:

"I want a waffle with peanut butter." (He'd eaten the lunch I'd prepared and was still hungry, so I agreed to fix him this extra.) Then: "No peanut butter! Syrup!" Knowing full well how Josiah literally "waffles" in his choices, I repeated our rule that once a choice is made, he must stick to it. (I figure James 5:12 "Let your 'Yes' be yes and your 'No,' no" has a loose but powerful application here.) "No waffle! Bread!" (Because I had insisted on peanut butter. I repeated the rule.)

And so it went, until naptime, which he also fought with a vengeance. But now he is blissfully asleep, and I pray he will wake up with a cooperative attitude.

Josiah's strong will continues to manifest itself, constantly challenging me to refine my parenting skills and grow in godly character. How do I get through each day triumphantly, rather than succumb to the constant, almost moment-by-moment challenge to my authority? That is a question I place before God daily, and I find that He is giving me some answers.

1. I must never indulge in self-pity.
This doesn't mean I am not tempted, at times, to wonder why God wired Josiah the way He did, or how He could expect me to maintain my sanity through the tough moments. Yet I learned long ago that our greatest shortcoming can become our greatest asset when placed in the hands of God. "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Cor. 12:9) Josiah's strong will, placed in the hands of his heavenly Father, could one day become a mighty force for God's Kingdom. My weakness in parenting him causes me to lean on God in dependence, for wisdom and power to get through each day. I don't do so perfectly, but trust I am being perfected.

2. I post rules and stick to them.
I stumbled across this strategy during our Christmas break, when all of our children needed a visible reminder of our expectations. We sat down together and came up with rules to guide our interactions. It was an epiphany for Josiah. He began to understand we do not arbitrarily discipline him, but do so based on a code of conduct. He willingly repeats each rule when reminded and often will quickly place himself under its authority. I also wrote out the consequences for not following a rule, and have a guide to follow--outside of my emotions--for each infraction.

3. I have Josiah rephrase his demands as requests.
"I want a banana!" becomes, "Mommy, may I please have a banana?" A simple request is easier on Mom or any authority figure than a demand that is issued at the top of one's lungs.

4. I carefully choose my battles.
There are some things I just must let go...such as how my directions are carried out, so long as the way they are done is safe and in compliance. You have no idea how much activity can go on when one little boy is to be sitting on the toilet, but so long as the job is done, I have to let some of this extra energy go without notice.

5. I pray for a cooperative spirit to be formed in this dear boy.
God is answering this prayer. Often in these past months, Josiah has pushed and pushed me, and finds I am not smiling at his behavior. "Smile at me, Mommy?" he asks. "No, Mommy is not pleased, and I am not smiling. If you want to make Mommy smile, you need to obey," has been my reponse. This seems to be sinking in! Yesterday when I prepared to spray Josiah's hair with water and comb it down, he started to run away as usual and then walked back. "Make Mommy smile?" he asked as he stood still.

Yes, dear one. I am smiling!! May you long to please God and find His favor as well, through faith in Christ and willing obedience to His commands. I pray your well-trained response to my authority will one day be your response to His.