changes

My mind was full as I drove Josiah to his weekly appointment to see the social worker for therapy. Should I tell her about the changes I had seen in him, or just keep quiet? As I thought through the events of the past several weeks, I decided to hold my tongue and see if she would bring the subject up herself.

When I took Josiah in to his pediatrician at the end of June, I had several concerns. Most pressing were the almost unmanageable behavior issues. The outbursts of aggression toward his siblings, the discipline that seemed to make no difference, and the impulsive actions like yelling and hitting were weighing us down. But there were other concerns as well: lack of playing with toys, sensory issues, anxiety, and frequent emotional meltdowns. Yes, some of this is expected in the behavior of a preschool boy. But these things were happening with tremendous frequency and intensity; the mom in me felt like something wasn't right. When Josiah was referred for an evaluation, I knew that somewhere down the line, someone was going to suggest medication. So I went to work researching anything natural but safe we could try before the "m" word came up. The pediatrician mentioned going gluten-free as a promising route, but I wanted to try additive-free as a first step and see how that went.

It had been about 6 weeks since I first made changes to our diet. After noting some subtle differences in behavior in just 2 weeks, I decided to join the Feingold organization and give their additive-free diet a full effort. It took weeks of mistakes, observations, tweaking, and waiting. Waiting to remove the final additive from Josiah's diet: the artificial flavoring found in his prescription-strength iron supplements. Would it make the difference we were hoping for?

The answer didn't come immediately. We had a crazy week with the county fair, face painting, paint fumes in his newly painted room, and unapproved suntan lotion (I still can't find an approved brand and decided to wait until next summer to order online). I thought I had done well changing his diet, but there were still so many places petroleum products are found, and we had to deal with those now as well. Not taking naps was not going well so we went back to laying him down in the afternoon. And then...I noticed the yummy chicken tenders I had been buying had chicken broth with artificial flavoring. After so many steps forward at first, I now had a very unhappy child on my hands. What was going on? I had read some children actually seem to go through a time of "detox" and this seemed to match the description, but there were now obviously several factors to work through.

Then on Tuesday morning, it was like a switch had been flipped. Josiah awoke happy, self-controlled, and even had some very compliant moments. I watched him with delight all day, as he played with his sister, occupied himself with toys barely touched for months, and worked puzzles from beginning to end. What was going on? Would it last?

Wednesday was the same. Then Thursday. Here we were, ready to see Miss D., his social worker. She had been very perceptive with Josiah in the past month. He walked into her room and played with her for 5o minutes. I sat in the waiting room, praying she would notice the changes.

The door opened and Josiah came running out, giving me a hug and beckoning me inside. Miss D. met me at the door.

"Leah, what have you been doing with Josiah? He's like a different boy today!" These were the very words I had been waiting for! I eagerly shared our grand experiment with the social worker, and she encouraged us to keep up the hard but good work. She noted Josiah's ability to focus, his decreased anxiety, and increased compliance. I shared with her the changes I had seen at home regarding sensory issues, interactions with his siblings, and new ways he was playing. I'm not sure who was more excited, me or Miss D. She eagerly asked that we come back next week so she could see how things were going. I'm eager to see as well, and have finally stopped holding my breath.

I feel we are blessed. Josiah is only 3, and we have so much time ahead of us. Now I can talk to him about using his words to tell others what he needs instead of using his "hits" to get what he wants. Discipline has become effective again! We can talk about obedience without hearing him say, "Jesus makes me sad" because he finds it almost impossible to obey. In fact, he happily complies (much of the time!) knowing it is a way he can trust and obey the Lord! Changing his diet at this age has not been much of an issue because I am still very much in control of what goes on the table and into his mouth. Actually, if it weren't for these changes in our family's diet, I might never have had him next to me on the stool, hugging me and saying, "Mommy, I just love to bake!"

I'm trying not to look ahead. Cold and flu season looms, along with brightly colored and artificially flavored antibiotics. There are alternatives* but it will take an honest talk with our pediatrician to make them work. When he goes to school, there are many food issues to consider: birthday treats, school lunches, craft projects using food...but we have time to work on this and many others have gone before us who are willing to share their hard-won wisdom. And Halloween is right around the corner. I'd better check out some of those natural candy store alternatives! Or try exchanging candy for a prized toy: in Josiah's case, probably an airplane.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying getting to know the little boy who has always been there, just waiting to be set free.

*Some antibiotics and medications can be compounded without added flavorings or colorings. There are other ways to get around the additives as well.