Emotions...they are powerful, motivating, and a part of the human experience. When managed properly, they can lead to great good, and when managed poorly, they can tear lives apart. Often the way we respond to life's circumstances has its root in our emotions. What is the secret to managing them well?
I've been pondering these things for some time. Over the past several years, our family has been through a series of events that have brought out some of the deepest, most hidden emotions of my heart. I've glimpsed the good, the bad, and the ugly of my soul and sense that it is only the tip of the iceburg. As I heard wisely taught recently, our trials do not make our character, but reveal it. It seems I've been found out, and I see I'm sorely lacking. But hallelujah, the story God is writing in my character is not yet done!
One of my older children has currently reached a time in life when emotions threaten to rule. In an attempt to help that child, I recently wrote out a step-by-step response to handling emotions. What I penned has been what I've been learning throughout these past years and personal struggles, now for the first time captured in words. I quickly recognized my own need to walk through these steps in a systematic way. I then rewrote them with myself in mind, promising my child this was something Mom needed to work on, too. I share our steps here only hoping to help others as well.
Steps to wisely handling emotions:
1. Time out. Get alone before I say or do something I will regret. (Life doesn't always allow us to run to another room...this may mean a mental time out while I think through how to respond!)
2. Talk to God. Ask Him to give me a new attitude as I obey Him.
Ps. 62:8 “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
3. Think. Fill my mind with right thinking from God’s Word.
Phil. 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
2 Cor. 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Quite often, right thinking leads to right emotions, which leads to right action. This is the most important step in handling our emotions. It is best to fill our minds with appropriate scripture that will transform a response of the flesh to a response of the Spirit.
Some examples of right thinking:
(for my child)
*Mom loves me and she doesn’t want me to grow up having a bad attitude toward others.
*I need to learn to be less selfish, and God is giving me an opportunity to learn this.
*I’m learning to be responsible when I help out.
(for myself)
*God loves me enough to correct my pride, selfishness, and wrong attitudes toward others.
*I’m learning to be a godly mother (also insert wife, friend, etc.) and servant of God as we go through these things together.
*I need to learn to express my anger (fear, love, frustration... insert emotion) in a more God-honoring way. How would He have me respond?
4. If I have hurt someone, tell the person I offended that I am sorry. Talk out any hurt feelings.
James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other…”
5. Try again. Grace means I am able to try again and again as I grow to be more like Jesus.
James 1:4 “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
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