saved from this...

I recently picked up a book at the library which deals with helping children to learn social skills. This is what I read in the foreword (not written by the author of the book):

"'What do they all want from me?'
'What do I have to do so they'll like me?'
'Who do I have to be to be one of them?'
'Do I have the right stuff to satisfy and please them?'

They don't very often articulate these questions, but children and adolescents wrestle with these quandries every day as they perform for diverse audiences: their peers, their parents, important grown-ups outside their family (mostly their teachers), and their own self-assessments. They desperately want and need to get in good with these highly judgmental audiences...

Proficiency within the social arena has two striking benefits: it is a source of fun and it makes you feel like a desirable person. When you're a child, other children are your yardsticks; you keep measuring yourself against them. And you hope they will come to perceive you as worthy of their companionship and admiration. For a child, few, if any, sensations compare with the ecstacy of social acceptance. The protected and connected feeling that comes with being sought after by peers pumps fuel into the engines of growing up. Intimacy and shared recreation provide positive stimulation and a much-desired feeling of belonging, thereby averting the dark shadows of loneliness. Every child needs to feel wanted. Exchanging instant messages at a rapid clip, having a cell phone that won't cease its melodic chirping, harvesting prestigious party invitations, and feeling you are in demand at a lunch table go far to make a kid feel validated. If others want you with them, you must be special."

So...having good social skills is about belonging and "performing" right to get others to like me. It's all about me so I can finally feel great about myself!! See how many props I need to feel good: a phone that must ring constantly, lots of party invitations, and a constant demand for my presence.

Just a great reminder of how different it is to think Biblically than think like the world. The Bible teaches the shocking truth that to truly have life, we must lose it by dying to self. It teaches quiet servanthood, building others up (instead of building up self), and that we live to please God, not man. It teaches that real life is knowing we are completely accepted by God in Christ, and therefore set free to love others no matter how they may feel about us. We can be rejected and ignored and still know we are loved by Him always, and that is enough. We can tell others this truth so they can stop the crazy cycle of getting others to love them and find rest in the all-sufficient love of the God who created them, loves them, and sent His Son to redeem them for Himself.

I had forgotten just how counter-cultural and wonderful God's truth is. I'm thankful for the reminder. Now I know just what to teach my children...