"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead...on him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." 2 Cor. 1:8-11
Many times in the life of the youngest boy who has come to live in our house, I have sat down in a quiet place, head in my hands, fire in my heart, tears in my eyes, crying out to God. The challenges were greater than my strength to endure, the days longer than my patience, the situations I found myself in greater than my wisdom. A few times I seemed to stumble on to a solution, only to find myself even more disappointed when the next problem arose even more difficult than the last. Then I stood face to face with my greatest problem: not my son, but me.
There is no time to meet yourself like in adversity. If God ever opened my eyes to all of my sin, I know I could not endure. But there are times He does open them to much of it, so that the despair over self increases to the point of no hope. No hope...but One.
It is when I realize my utter inability to navigate the difficulties of life, that the Savior becomes ever more precious than before. There, at the right hand of God, is my righteousness, interceding inexplicably on my behalf. There I find my true self, bowing at the feet of the only one who deserves worship...not self, not comfort, not circumstances, but an eternal Lamb who has given Himself in my place. He is my rescue, my comfort, my hope.
"Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore I have set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. He who vindicates me is near. Who then will bring charges against me? Let us face each other! Who is my accuser? Let him confront me. Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God." Isaiah 50:7-8
Sometimes I see God's tangible deliverance: waters part, the Red Sea now crossed. I find myself on the other side not yet complete, but only just begun in this walk of faith. Much is yet to be learned of my dependence on Him, and lack thereof.
But no way am I staying in Egypt, nor looking back with wistful eyes. The Lord has delivered from the bondage of sin. May I learn more of what this means.
"The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him...Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you--majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?" Ex. 15:2, 11
2 comments:
This fits perfectly with a book I'm reading (Invitation to the Jesus Life by Jan Johnson). Each chapter hits on a different life challenge (that's how I'm seeing it anyhow!) and then explains what walking with Jesus means for that scenario.
The way you describe sitting still, head in hands, tears burning your eyes, crying out to the Lord for help, comfort, wisdom, admonishment--this mirrors the examples in the book.
Beautifully written and so helpful! Thanks for sharing your heart.
Thanks, Erin. This is one of those posts I am embarrassed to even go back and read (too transparent?), so I'm thankful you found it helpful. Your book sounds interesting! I'll have to look it up.
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