This morning my son willingly trotted up the stairs to his new friend's house, gave me a kiss goodbye, and turned with a smile to anticipate the fun that awaited him for the morning. As I got in the van and headed to serve in a community Bible study for the morning, my mind wandered back to five years ago.
My daughter was 2 then, and my son was 4. When I was asked to consider being a part of a ministry that would involve 2 mornings a week away from home, I initially balked. I loved being at home with my children and didn't want to give up a moment with them; how could such a thing be a part of God's plan for them or for me? I actually sat down and calculated how many hours a month I would be separated from my preschool children and my heart really ached as I considered the cost.
Yet there was a tugging at my heart that could only have been God to say yes to this opportunity. I prayerfully considered the matter for several months and couldn't shake the peace the Holy Spirit gave me to say yes. It meant giving up what I thought was God's plan for my family, how I was going to spend time with my children and my husband, and a whole host of insecurities that would be tested repeatedly every week as I sat in front of women and actually had to take a lead in opening my mouth for Jesus' sake in front of others. Those of you who know how shy I was know what a step that had to be!!!
Yet I stand in awe today at the way God has worked not only in my own life, but the life of my family. My children have seen me take an interest in ministering Christ to others, lighting a fire in their own lives to help others know Jesus. (Micah recently said to me, "Mom, I really want to lead someone to Christ.") I have been trained in such a way that I can pass on my faith to them as I never would have been able to before, especially as it involved my own example. Women who cared for my children on Mondays and Tuesdays in the children's program have prayed over them weekly and many still ask periodically how they are doing and what they are up to.
When I found out 2 years ago I was expecting my third child, I took the matter before the Lord regarding continuing service through this child's infancy and toddlerhood. It would have been so much easier to have stepped aside for a time but I never felt God gave me any peace about letting it go. He then provided precious friends and family as sitters for my baby who cared for him through those early months. Many obstacles presented themselves but God paved a way through them.
Was there anything to be gained? Jesus said in John 12:24 "I tell you the truth, unless a single kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." I have seen women who have come to know Christ in a real and life-changing way, acting on the truth of God's word resulting in families strengthened, marriages saved, tragedies overcome, suffering endured not just somehow but triumphantly. Perhaps only eternity will give me a glimpse of what God has done through the women whose lives He has allowed to intersect with mine for such a time as this. My children have learned to love God's word and His people more than I ever thought possible. My husband has a wife who is more loving, confident in who she is in Christ, and enthusiastic about serving her family. Yes, that's right, God's plan did not mean I abandoned my family but came full circle in shaping me to love them better, less selfishly, with an eye on His best of each of them. I have a long way to go and am far from perfect, but I am being perfected in my service to Him.
I love to read about the lives of missionaries who have sacrificed much for the kingdom of God. Many have had to literally send their children off to virtual strangers to be educated and cared for because their lives would have been endangered to remain with their parents on the field. One of these brave men who lost wives and children in the pursuit of souls said once that he never felt he had made a sacrifice, God so lovingly poured back anything he had poured out to him. I have poured out far less than they ever did, yet looking back I can say the same thing.
1 comment:
Quite right Leah! Amen! I had lunch with one of those missionary kids the other day. First he said he felt lucky that he only missed his parents for nine months of the year. He knew other kids at school who had not seen their parents for nine years! Granted this is not what everyone should do and more than a bitter pill but we have to look at the big picture. We must be mindful of the future kingdom and the reunion that will take place there with glory redounding to our king. Keep up the good work for the cause of Christ and proclaiming His vicarious atonement to all.
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