a better way

Today is a holiday from school, with much joy in the house as my children spend time together in ways that school days do not allow (alas, I miss this about homeschooling!)  Eric and I have been busy with errands and Thanksgiving preparations, and I've been guiding the kids into a few activities I know will bless others.  And the tension begins to build as Josiah grows frustrated with some of his tasks, usually expressed in disapproval over the way I am doing things.  This is a small reminder of how his mind processes life and tries to make sense of so much extra sensory "noise" by insisting on order and his own, often narrow way of thinking. 

Having my youngest in school has put a buffer between us that is much appreciated.  He has a teacher telling him what to do all day, and because she is the teacher guiding children in a highly structured environment, he gladly and humbly obliges (at least so far as I can tell).  When he gets home and it is mom doing the directing, he bristles, hems and haws, and otherwise makes it clear that if he were in charge, this or that would not be done in this way.  Because his teacher is the authority and there is uniformity in his day he trusts her, but somehow he's not quite sure he should feel the same way about mom's instructions in the more unstructured setting of our home.

However, at one point this morning while I was making his gluten free rolls, I saw a glimmer of something else, something that gave me hope.  He eyed my yeast and water mixture with great suspicion, started to protest the process, and then took a deep breath.

"Ok, Mom.  I trust you."  He patted me and walked away with a smile.

Once again, I am humbled by a little boy and the way the need for order and control in his life mirror my own.  How often do I look at the things God is doing in my life, see the chaos that seems to characterize my own existence, and try to insist that He do things my way?  That somehow, my plans would turn out infinitely better...(deep breath) than they would with the God of wisdom sovereignly working out His great purposes in ways I could never improve upon.

"Have Your way, Lord.  I trust you."